Sex Addiction

Couples Recovery

When a marriage is interrupted by a partner’s discovery that there has been inappropriate sexual acting out it understandably creates chaos within the relationship. The partner may wrestle with questions like: “Who is this person? Surely this is not the person I married?”, “What is wrong with me that I didn’t see this going on for all these years?”, “How can I ever trust him again; how can I even trust myself after this?” We call this Discovery Trauma because it is, in fact, a traumatic event typically accompanied by symptoms of post -traumatic stress. Working with a counselor the partner focuses on stabilizing difficult emotions, understanding herself, and beginning the difficult process of disclosure in preparation for reconciliation of the marriage.

Simultaneously the addict must come to grips with a history of acting out behaviors which have caused harm to himself, his partner and family. Denial, flawed thinking patterns, defensive and manipulative communication patterns, as well as understanding addictive cravings must be addressed and sobriety established.

As the couple progresses through their individual therapy, they are both prepared for the three-step process of a full, therapeutic disclosure. The time frame for this can vary; collaboration by the respective therapists plays a significant role in determining readiness. Successfully navigating disclosure opens the door for the couple to come together to work on a new relationship. When helpful, individual counseling may continue to resolve unfinished areas, or as an augment to work through difficult personal issues that surface during couple’s counseling.

The diagram below depicts what this process could look like.